It's been a week...seven small insignificant days. I've done dishes (many loads actually), I've done laundry, grocery shopped, driven more miles than I can count, started a bible study group and...lost my Mama.
She passed on January 10th, 2013. After 10 days in the hospital the cancer finally won. She put up a valiant fight and won many of the battles but in the end it was stronger than her.
What started as a trip to Overlake for pain control of some very sore feet ended with her joining God in heaven.
I'm still in shock I think. I am not sure how much it has hit me. I'm not dealing with much in the way of anything.
I will say this though...all her strength. All her gumption. All her resolve...I have that in me. I didn't know that until her last 48 hours of life. I knew in my heart I needed to be there but until her last breath i didn't realize SHE needed me to be there. People had been coming and going most of the day. Staying just a few moments each. I think we all knew. Dad and Elle had just arrived for the night and headed out to get a coffee before it was too late. The room was quiet. My Aunt and Uncle were sitting quietly. I was trying to read but very unsuccessfully.
I glanced up and saw her face change a bit. Her once rapid eyes had quieted. Her face softened and her breaths got very shallow. I knew. All the time I had been praying for God to show me what to do and thankfully he did.
I reached up and got really close. Just by her ear. I told her she was a good Mama. She was the best one for me. She was a good wife, daughter, grandmother, friend, coworker and teacher. I told her to go peacefully and be with Jesus. I told her to kiss her daddy. I whispered I love you and told her it was time.
And she stopped...just stopped being. She didn't breathe again, she didn't anything. I don't ever want to forget her but I also want this memory to soften in my mind. I want to let it blend into feeling and not actual visions.
It haunts me a bit. Those last moments...I wouldn't have it any other way.
mama i love you~Always
She passed on January 10th, 2013. After 10 days in the hospital the cancer finally won. She put up a valiant fight and won many of the battles but in the end it was stronger than her.
What started as a trip to Overlake for pain control of some very sore feet ended with her joining God in heaven.
I'm still in shock I think. I am not sure how much it has hit me. I'm not dealing with much in the way of anything.
I will say this though...all her strength. All her gumption. All her resolve...I have that in me. I didn't know that until her last 48 hours of life. I knew in my heart I needed to be there but until her last breath i didn't realize SHE needed me to be there. People had been coming and going most of the day. Staying just a few moments each. I think we all knew. Dad and Elle had just arrived for the night and headed out to get a coffee before it was too late. The room was quiet. My Aunt and Uncle were sitting quietly. I was trying to read but very unsuccessfully.
I glanced up and saw her face change a bit. Her once rapid eyes had quieted. Her face softened and her breaths got very shallow. I knew. All the time I had been praying for God to show me what to do and thankfully he did.
I reached up and got really close. Just by her ear. I told her she was a good Mama. She was the best one for me. She was a good wife, daughter, grandmother, friend, coworker and teacher. I told her to go peacefully and be with Jesus. I told her to kiss her daddy. I whispered I love you and told her it was time.
And she stopped...just stopped being. She didn't breathe again, she didn't anything. I don't ever want to forget her but I also want this memory to soften in my mind. I want to let it blend into feeling and not actual visions.
It haunts me a bit. Those last moments...I wouldn't have it any other way.
mama i love you~Always
Oh Ara...I have tears. What a beautiful, beautiful way to welcome your Mom into heaven. She must have felt such peace knowing you were there.
ReplyDeleteI was the only one there for my Dad. I had already said my good byes, and he got so upset when we cried, so I kept it light. I massaged his tired muscles that were still rapid firing because of the ALS. He always loved back rubs and said I had the best hands for massage. His feet were cold...and very painful too...so I warmed a towel for them. I came back and he took 2 deep breaths...and that was it. I didn't even have time to wake my Mom. It was so peaceful, and he went out with a massage:). I still have trouble with those last images, too. I know what you mean. I hope they do soften. I feel bad I couldn't get my Mom up. I had promised her that I would if anything changed, but it happened in about 10 seconds.
I am praying for you Ara! I know you blessed your Mom in so many ways!
~Julie